Jimmy
☎ 1-800-RENT-JIM Meet Jimmy Rent Jimmy
WHACK-AN-UNCLE
Jimmy keeps getting out. Put him back. He understands — he'd do the same to you.
BONKED 0 LOOSE AT YOUR BBQ 0 TIME 20s

Jimmy is escaping his grave.

You have 20 seconds and one moral obligation: bonk the uncle back into the ground. He is dead. He should act like it.

Management is legally required to let you play this before showing you prices.
FAMILY-OWNED · UNCLE-OPERATED · EST. 1987

Rent a dead uncle. He's called Jimmy.

There is only one uncle. He is dead, and he is called Jimmy. For weddings, wakes, and awkward holidays, we'll send him over to sit at the head of the table, carve something, and tell you how he'd have done it differently.

No deposit required. Jimmy may take 4–6 days to arrive. We are not responsible for anything he says at the table.

FRAGILE · CONTAINS UNCLE
Every Jimmy arrives with:
  • A firm handshake and a slightly damp hug
  • One (1) brisket opinion, strongly held
  • Forty years of advice you did not ask for
  • A comforting smell of basement and Old Spice
  • The ability to fall asleep mid-sentence
  • A war story (war unspecified, possibly invented)
1,204
Jimmys available now
38min
Average arrival time
99.4%
Funerals attended on time
0%
Confirmed reincarnations
HOW IT WORKS

Three steps to a Jimmy of your own.

One uncle, one phone call, and a family gathering that finally has the uncle-shaped hole filled back in.

01

Tell us the occasion

Wedding, wake, or awkward Christmas? Give us the date, the address, and the list of topics absolutely forbidden at the table.

02

We send Jimmy

A few days later Jimmy arrives by hearse, fully dressed, faintly cologned, and ready to call you “champ” for reasons he will not explain.

03

Jimmy does his thing

He carves. He naps. He tells the brisket story twice. When the day is done, he heads back to the family plot until you need him again.

MEET JIMMY

Meet Jimmy. And Jimmy. And Jimmy.

There is only one uncle, and he is always called Jimmy. He comes in six moods — every one of them named Jimmy — each freshly pressed, lightly embalmed, and rated by how much of a scene he is likely to make.

Low Drama $49/day
Uncle Jimmy
The Quiet One · d. 1998
SpecialtyNodding politely
Naps / hr2.4
Words / hr11
Medium Heat $74/day
Uncle Jimmy
The Griller · d. 2004
SpecialtyUninvited BBQ
CologneWeaponized
Brisket takes
High Risk $120/day FACTS
Uncle Jimmy
The Debater · d. 2011
SpecialtyRuining dinner
Topics avoided0
Volume11 / 10
Critical $220/day
Uncle Jimmy
The Reanimated · d. 1989
SpecialtyWon't de-manifest
Recall rate31%
VibeUnsettling
Low Drama $39/day z z z
Uncle Jimmy
The Napper · d. 2016
SpecialtyRecliner ownership
Awake / hr9 min
Snore (dB)72
High Risk $95/day
Uncle Jimmy
The Theorist · d. 2009
Specialty"Doing research"
Sources cited0
Forwarded emails4,102
PRICING

Plans for every estate.

Billed per haunting. Cancel anytime, though the uncle may linger.

CASUAL HAUNTING
$49 / day
One uncle, one occasion. For the family that just needs someone to carve.
  • One Jimmy, freshly pressed
  • Up to 4 hours of presence
  • Cologne applied generously
  • He'll call you “champ”
Choose Casual
THE WHOLE ESTATE
Custom
Unlimited uncles, a dedicated medium, and a contract written entirely in Latin.
  • As many Jimmys as you can handle
  • A dedicated séance host
  • Aunts available on request
  • He stays as long as he likes
Contact necromancy
TESTIMONIALS

Loved by grieving teams.

★★★★★

"Our Thanksgiving had a real uncle-shaped gap. Jimmy filled it in 38 minutes. He carved, he sighed, he criticized my parking. Felt just like home."

Marcus R.Bereaved nephew
★★★★★

"We rented Jimmy for the political tension at our wedding. He delivered. We sent him home in a taxi just before the toast, and he understood completely."

Sandra L.Mother of the bride
★★★★☆

"Jimmy never quite left after Christmas and now lives in my garage. The company says this happens sometimes. Lovely man, though. Four stars."

Derek T.Reluctant host
QUESTIONS

Questions, asked frequently.

Is renting a dead uncle legal?+
In most towns, yes. Jimmy comes with all the proper paperwork, a notarized permission slip from the cemetery, and a small card you can show the police if it comes to that. We do not keep his soul after the weekend — unless you forget to return him.
What if Jimmy doesn't show up?+
He always shows up. If for some reason he doesn't, we'll send a slightly different Jimmy of equal or lesser disappointment, free of charge, usually within the week.
Can I get an uncle who isn't called Jimmy?+
No. Every uncle we have is named Jimmy. We are not entirely sure why. You can, however, choose which Jimmy — by decade of death, brisket philosophy, and cologne intensity.
How do I send Jimmy home?+
Walk him to the door and wave. He usually takes the hint by dessert. If he lingers (see: the Reanimated Jimmy), call the number on his lapel and someone will come and collect him.
Do you offer aunts?+
Aunts are coming soon, available on request for our biggest plan. Grandfathers, second cousins twice removed, and "a man who insists he's family" are next.

Your family gathering is missing an uncle.

Rent one in minutes. No funeral required, no awkward eulogy, no leftovers to take home.

Rent Jimmy today →
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